Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Top 10 Comic Villains

Written by GL

Here's a humorous take on what many on the online community might consider the top ten villains across the comic universe. It is in no way our opinion - it's just a little bit of fun, jambroni.

10. The Big Wheel
Why: Why friggin’ not? Big took on the Rocket Racer man… THE ROCKET RACER!
Why not: Are you seriously asking why not? Get out of here Stilt Man!

9. Green Goblin (Harry Osborne)
Why: “Hey Peter! After we finish our beers and send our wives home, what say I try my best to murder you in Central Park?”
Why not: “Sorry bout the whole ‘trying desperately to kill you’ thing, oh and by the way, my lame dad is totally not dead, plus watch out for my son, in 15 years or so!”

8. Mephisto
Why: He’s like the devil or something, we think he kinda has to make this list.
Why not: He spent way too much time getting his behind handed to him by Thanos

7. Kang The Conqueror
Why: The guy travels through time, is armed better than Cable and the Punisher, and well you know… he conquers.
Why not: Which version of Kang will be attacking us this week? Will it be the Egyptian Pharaoh, or the old guy? I know, how about a kid! Not cool!

6. Lex Luthor
Why: He tried to take over the world, and even tried to destroy it, and still managed to get elected President.
Why not: Remember that pea green Lex Luthor battle suit? That hideous ‘I wish I was an Iron Man suit’ came complete with a set of rear view mirrors.

5. Darkseid
Why: He beat just about everybody at one point or another. He should have taken over the Earth like eight times over by now.
Why not: You, and I’ll say it again, do not (pause for effect) get taken down by Green Arrow and the Atom. Ever.

4. Thanos
Why: He’s taken over the whole universe at least twice, maybe two and a half times.
Why not: He got beaten up by Squirrel Girl. Yeah we know, that is sad.

3. Apocalypse
Why: The only one to cause the X-Men more grief than Magneto is probably him.
Why not: When asked about the X-Men villain, Iron Man said, “Apoca—who?”

2. Magneto
Why: So dangerous, the world actually agreed to give him his own island.
Why not: He’s the most easily manipulated villain of all time, just ask Fabian Cortez, or Moira MacTaggert, or Charles Xavier, or Rogue…you get the picture.

1. Dr. Doom
Why: He can fly on a private jet to New York and skip right on past customs. He can get in a limo and drive by Avengers Tower, and Four Freedoms Plaza all with the windows rolled down. He can stop and rob a liquor store or knock over a bank if he wants. He can even drag Jarvis and Willy Lumpkins out of bed in the middle of the night and slap them on the Times Square Jumbo-Tron for all the world to see! And when the Avengers and Fantastic Four show up with Spider-Man to stop him, he can say, “Back off punks, I got diplomatic immunity!” And then get back in his limo, and on to his plane, and go home. That’s why.
Why not: How can he be able to take out the Silver Surfer with ease, yet still get his behind handed to him by the Fantastic Four?

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